Kids Were Always a Part of Our Plan, Infertility Was Not
In 2014, I had the honor of capturing Jess & Mike become husband and wife. 6 years ago, it was very easy to see their love, their love was so strong & I remember their June, summer wedding day like it was yesterday. They were one of the most carefree, easygoing, loving couples I have ever worked with. Capturing their day, their emotions, it was easy. Easy because how real the emotions felt.
Flash forward 6 years later, I’m still honored to say I am close with this couple! We stayed in touch through the years, we catch up, we have beers together, oh, and we still take photos of course. It was about two years ago I remember Jess telling me about their experience trying to get pregnant. She was so open with her experience, she wanted to share awareness of this very real situation her Mike were going through.
Infertility, IVF, it brought them their sweet boy, Michael. 864 days of trying she told me. 864 days of hoping, praying for a MIRACLE. Over the last almost 2 years, we have captured many moments, family photos, fall photos, Christmas photos, Michael’s first birthday, but this shoot, this was something different. After Michael turned one, we decided to capture an entire session of their experience with IVF. Now this is just a few of the photos (since IG won’t allow me to share more). We decided let’s capture their experience with IVF, let’s capture it all, the medicine, the needles, everything that brought them their sweet boy, and let’s capture a full day in their life with their miracle. Our session started out capturing the medicine that brought them Michael, the day included playing in the kitchen with their boy, chasing him around the house, grabbing beers from their home brew in their basement, we ended the session outside in their backyard, playing with Bubbles, laughing/rolling around in the grass, drinking beers, it was a day in their life, a day I’ll never forget.
When I asked Jess to tell me a little bit about her experience as a mother faced with IVF she said,
"Before I truly knew anything about myself or what I wanted to do in life, I knew I wanted to be a mother. Mike and I started dating when we were 16 and when we talked about our future, kids were always a part of our plan, but infertility was not. When I heard of terms like IVF, I blew it off because that would never be me. I married my husband, we had careers, and bought a house, and then we would have a baby...or three. It was easy. This was our plan.
Then a year of trying went by so we began getting tested. Everything came back normal. We were classified as “unexplained infertility.” It was super confusing and discouraging. But we kept going through treatments, month after month. When our first fertility clinic called and told us our 4th IUI didn’t work and they wanted to start IVF on Monday, I hung up the phone and told Mike I didn’t want to go back. IVF? Were they nuts? That’s not the plan. I’m 28 years old, all of our tests are normal, we want a baby...isn’t that enough?
Months went by so we decided to try a different fertility clinic. Maybe they will tell us something different? Nope. IVF was once again staring us in the face, and immediately we were overwhelmed. IVF. Infertility. Egg retrieval. Unexplained infertility. Frozen embryo transfer. I’m sorry. Progesterone. Blastocyst. IUI. Clomid. I’m Worried. Menopur. Follicles. I don’t think this is going to happen for you. TTC. Ultrasound. Diminished ovarian reserve. Words that were constantly being spoken, constantly in my thoughts. After my egg retrieval, we went into the clinic for our FET with so much optimism. The possibility of our future family was right in front of us. The butterflies I had in my stomach were unlike anything I felt in a long time! We walked into the waiting room and checked in when my phone rang. It was our doctor. I told him we were in the waiting room, and he came to find us. He walked in and told us to have a seat. He then began to explain that my egg quality was poor, and our embryos weren’t surviving. He said, “This is when I worry.” My head started spinning and the tears began flowing and all that kept echoing in my head was “I don’t think this is going to happen for you.” We drove home in silence and once we got inside, I broke down. Mike held me and we cried.
On Monday, the doctor called back saying that he decided to watch the embryos over the weekend, and we had 3 that he wanted to transfer. What?! Are you sure you're talking to the right people? So, we scheduled our frozen embryo transfer. It didn't work. Why did we get our hopes up? The doctor recommended transferring our last two embryos at once. Sure, why not? I mean what else do we have to lose. Two weeks went by, and that routine phone call once again came. "Your test is positive!"
It took Mike and I years to finally understand that our journey to a baby included IVF, and even that was almost not enough to get us to our sweet baby boy! Our IVF journey, blessed us with our amazing son Michael and not a day goes by without one of us saying to the other “I still cannot believe he is here.”
I talk about our journey because during our fertility treatments I kept a lot of what we were going through a secret. I was constantly going through the stages of grief each month, not understanding what I did wrong, or why I wasn’t allowed to have a child. There was a lot I didn’t understand and couldn’t process. It was awful. I was angry, embarrassed, disconnected. Since then, a handful of my closest friends have struggled with infertility. While all of our stories are different, we constantly work together and understand one another. Sharing our stories has helped us to grieve what we once thought would be and grow into stronger people. I am now 33 years old and have been struggling with infertility for 5 years. It still hurts and might always hurt, but I always remember that being infertile doesn't mean I have to suffer alone. "
Photography By: Brittany Paige
Medical Disclaimer:
The information provided in this blog is intended for general informational purposes only and should not be considered as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your healthcare provider or qualified medical professional with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read in this blog.